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Why Nerds are Unpopular

When we were in junior high school, my seem smarter. John Nash so admired
friend Rich and I made a map of the Norbert Wiener that he adopted his habit
school lunch tables according to of touching the wall as he walked down a
popularity. This was easy to do, because corridor.
kids only ate lunch with others of about As a thirteen-year-old kid, I didn\'t
the same popularity. We graded them from have much more experience of the world
A to E. A tables were full of football than what I saw immediately around me.
players and cheerleaders and so on. E The warped little world we lived in was,
tables contained the kids with mild cases I thought, the world. The world seemed
of Down\'s Syndrome, what in the language cruel and boring, and I\'m not sure which
of the time we called \"retards.\" was worse.
We sat at a D table, as low as you could Because I didn\'t fit into this world, I
get without looking physically different. thought that something must be wrong with
We were not being especially candid to me. I didn\'t realize that the reason we
grade ourselves as D. It would have taken nerds didn\'t fit in was that in some
a deliberate lie to say otherwise. ways we were a step ahead. We were
Everyone in the school knew exactly how already thinking about the kind of things
popular everyone else was, including us. that matter in the real world, instead of
My stock gradually rose during high spending all our time playing an exacting
school. Puberty finally arrived; I became but mostly pointless game like the
a decent soccer player; I started a others.
scandalous underground newspaper. So We were a bit like an adult would be if
I\'ve seen a good part of the popularity he were thrust back into middle school.
landscape. He wouldn\'t know the right clothes to
I know a lot of people who were nerds in wear, the right music to like, the right
school, and they all tell the same story: slang to use. He\'d seem to the kids a
there is a strong correlation between complete alien. The thing is, he\'d know
being smart and being a nerd, and an even enough not to care what they thought. We
stronger inverse correlation between had no such confidence.
being a nerd and being popular. Being A lot of people seem to think it\'s good
smart seems to make you unpopular. for smart kids to be thrown together with
Why? To someone in school now, that may \"normal\" kids at this stage of their
seem an odd question to ask. The mere lives. Perhaps. But in at least some
fact is so overwhelming that it may seem cases the reason the nerds don\'t fit in
strange to imagine that it could be any really is that everyone else is crazy. I
other way. But it could. Being smart remember sitting in the audience at a
doesn\'t make you an outcast in \"pep rally\" at my high school, watching
elementary school. Nor does it harm you as the cheerleaders threw an effigy of an
in the real world. Nor, as far as I can opposing player into the audience to be
tell, is the problem so bad in most other torn to pieces. I felt like an explorer
countries. But in a typical American witnessing some bizarre tribal ritual.
secondary school, being smart is likely If I could go back and give my thirteen
to make your life difficult. Why? year old self some advice, the main thing
The key to this mystery is to rephrase I\'d tell him would be to stick his head
the question slightly. Why don\'t smart up and look around. I didn\'t really
kids make themselves popular? If they\'re grasp it at the time, but the whole world
so smart, why don\'t they figure out how we lived in was as fake as a Twinkie. Not
popularity works and beat the system, just school, but the entire town. Why do
just as they do for standardized tests? people move to suburbia? To have kids! So
One argument says that this would be no wonder it seemed boring and sterile.
impossible, that the smart kids are The whole place was a giant nursery, an
unpopular because the other kids envy artificial town created explicitly for
them for being smart, and nothing they the purpose of breeding children.
could do could make them popular. I wish. Where I grew up, it felt as if there was
If the other kids in junior high school nowhere to go, and nothing to do. This
envied me, they did a great job of was no accident. Suburbs are deliberately
concealing it. And in any case, if being designed to exclude the outside world,
smart were really an enviable quality, because it contains things that could
the girls would have broken ranks. The endanger children.
guys that guys envy, girls like. And as for the schools, they were just
In the schools I went to, being smart holding pens within this fake world.
just didn\'t matter much. Kids didn\'t Officially the purpose of schools is to
admire it or despise it. All other things teach kids. In fact their primary purpose
being equal, they would have preferred to is to keep kids locked up in one place
be on the smart side of average rather for a big chunk of the day so adults can
than the dumb side, but intelligence get things done. And I have no problem
counted far less than, say, physical with this: in a specialized industrial
appearance, charisma, or athletic society, it would be a disaster to have
ability. kids running around loose.
So if intelligence in itself is not a What bothers me is not that the kids are
factor in popularity, why are smart kids kept in prisons, but that (a) they
so consistently unpopular? The answer, I aren\'t told about it, and (b) the
think, is that they don\'t really want to prisons are run mostly by the inmates.
be popular. Kids are sent off to spend six years
If someone had told me that at the time, memorizing meaningless facts in a world
I would have laughed at him. Being ruled by a caste of giants who run after
unpopular in school makes kids miserable, an oblong brown ball, as if this were the
some of them so miserable that they most natural thing in the world. And if
commit suicide. Telling me that I didn\'t they balk at this surreal cocktail,
want to be popular would have seemed like they\'re called misfits.
telling someone dying of thirst in a Life in this twisted world is stressful
desert that he didn\'t want a glass of for the kids. And not just for the nerds.
water. Of course I wanted to be popular. Like any war, it\'s damaging even to the
But in fact I didn\'t, not enough. There winners.
was something else I wanted more: to be Adults can\'t avoid seeing that teenage
smart. Not simply to do well in school, kids are tormented. So why don\'t they do
though that counted for something, but to something about it? Because they blame it
design beautiful rockets, or to write on puberty. The reason kids are so
well, or to understand how to program unhappy, adults tell themselves, is that
computers. In general, to make great monstrous new chemicals, hormones, are
things. now coursing through their bloodstream
At the time I never tried to separate my and messing up everything. There\'s
wants and weigh them against one another. nothing wrong with the system; it\'s just
If I had, I would have seen that being inevitable that kids will be miserable at
smart was more important. If someone had that age.
offered me the chance to be the most This idea is so pervasive that even the
popular kid in school, but only at the kids believe it, which probably doesn\'t
price of being of average intelligence help. Someone who thinks his feet
(humor me here), I wouldn\'t have taken naturally hurt is not going to stop to
it. consider the possibility that he is
Much as they suffer from their wearing the wrong size shoes.
unpopularity, I don\'t think many nerds I\'m suspicious of this theory that
would. To them the thought of average thirteen-year-old kids are intrinsically
intelligence is unbearable. But most kids messed up. If it\'s physiological, it
would take that deal. For half of them, should be universal. Are Mongol nomads
it would be a step up. Even for someone all nihilists at thirteen? I\'ve read a
in the eightieth percentile (assuming, as lot of history, and I have not seen a
everyone seemed to then, that single reference to this supposedly
intelligence is a scalar), who wouldn\'t universal fact before the twentieth
drop thirty points in exchange for being century. Teenage apprentices in the
loved and admired by everyone? Renaissance seem to have been cheerful
And that, I think, is the root of the and eager. They got in fights and played
problem. Nerds serve two masters. They tricks on one another of course
want to be popular, certainly, but they (Michelangelo had his nose broken by a
want even more to be smart. And bully), but they weren\'t crazy.
popularity is not something you can do in As far as I can tell, the concept of the
your spare time, not in the fiercely hormone-crazed teenager is coeval with
competitive environment of an American suburbia. I don\'t think this is a
secondary school. coincidence. I think teenagers are driven
Alberti, arguably the archetype of the crazy by the life they\'re made to lead.
Renaissance Man, writes that \"no art, Teenage apprentices in the Renaissance
however minor, demands less than total were working dogs. Teenagers now are
dedication if you want to excel in it.\" neurotic lapdogs. Their craziness is the
I wonder if anyone in the world works craziness of the idle everywhere.
harder at anything than American school When I was in school, suicide was a
kids work at popularity. Navy SEALs and constant topic among the smarter kids. No
neurosurgery residents seem slackers by one I knew did it, but several planned
comparison. They occasionally take to, and some may have tried. Mostly this
vacations; some even have hobbies. An was just a pose. Like other teenagers, we
American teenager may work at being loved the dramatic, and suicide seemed
popular every waking hour, 365 days a very dramatic. But partly it was because
year. our lives were at times genuinely
I don\'t mean to suggest they do this miserable.
consciously. Some of them truly are Bullying was only part of the problem.
little Machiavellis, but what I really Another problem, and possibly an even
mean here is that teenagers are always on worse one, was that we never had anything
duty as conformists. real to work on. Humans like to work; in
For example, teenage kids pay a great most of the world, your work is your
deal of attention to clothes. They don\'t identity. And all the work we did was
consciously dress to be popular. They pointless, or seemed so at the time.
dress to look good. But to who? To the At best it was practice for real work we
other kids. Other kids\' opinions become might do far in the future, so far that
their definition of right, not just for we didn\'t even know at the time what we
clothes, but for almost everything they were practicing for. More often it was
do, right down to the way they walk. And just an arbitrary series of hoops to jump
so every effort they make to do things through, words without content designed
\"right\" is also, consciously or not, an mainly for testability. (The three main
effort to be more popular. causes of the Civil War were.... Test:
Nerds don\'t realize this. They don\'t List the three main causes of the Civil
realize that it takes work to be popular. War.)
In general, people outside some very And there was no way to opt out. The
demanding field don\'t realize the extent adults had agreed among themselves that
to which success depends on constant this was to be the route to college. The
(though often unconscious) effort. For only way to escape this empty life was to
example, most people seem to consider the submit to it.
ability to draw as some kind of innate Teenage kids used to have a more active
quality, like being tall. In fact, most role in society. In pre-industrial times,
people who \"can draw\" like drawing, and they were all apprentices of one sort or
have spent many hours doing it; that\'s another, whether in shops or on farms or
why they\'re good at it. Likewise, even on warships. They weren\'t left to
popular isn\'t just something you are or create their own societies. They were
you aren\'t, but something you make junior members of adult societies.
yourself. Teenagers seem to have respected adults
The main reason nerds are unpopular is more then, because the adults were the
that they have other things to think visible experts in the skills they were
about. Their attention is drawn to books trying to learn. Now most kids have
or the natural world, not fashions and little idea what their parents do in
parties. They\'re like someone trying to their distant offices, and see no
play soccer while balancing a glass of connection (indeed, there is precious
water on his head. Other players who can little) between schoolwork and the work
focus their whole attention on the game they\'ll do as adults.
beat them effortlessly, and wonder why And if teenagers respected adults more,
they seem so incapable. adults also had more use for teenagers.
Even if nerds cared as much as other kids After a couple years\' training, an
about popularity, being popular would be apprentice could be a real help. Even the
more work for them. The popular kids newest apprentice could be made to carry
learned to be popular, and to want to be messages or sweep the workshop.
popular, the same way the nerds learned Now adults have no immediate use for
to be smart, and to want to be smart: teenagers. They would be in the way in an
from their parents. While the nerds were office. So they drop them off at school
being trained to get the right answers, on their way to work, much as they might
the popular kids were being trained to drop the dog off at a kennel if they were
please. going away for the weekend.
So far I\'ve been finessing the What happened? We\'re up against a hard
relationship between smart and nerd, one here. The cause of this problem is
using them as if they were the same as the cause of so many present
interchangeable. In fact it\'s only the ills: specialization. As jobs become more
context that makes them so. A nerd is specialized, we have to train longer for
someone who isn\'t socially adept enough. them. Kids in pre-industrial times
But \"enough\" depends on where you are. started working at about 14 at the
In a typical American school, standards latest; kids on farms, where most people
for coolness are so high (or at least, so lived, began far earlier. Now kids who go
specific) that you don\'t have to be to college don\'t start working full-time
especially awkward to look awkward by till 21 or 22. With some degrees, like
comparison. MDs and PhDs, you may not finish your
Few smart kids can spare the attention training till 30.
that popularity requires. Unless they Teenagers now are useless, except as
also happen to be good-looking, natural cheap labor in industries like fast food,
athletes, or siblings of popular kids, which evolved to exploit precisely this
they\'ll tend to become nerds. And fact. In almost any other kind of work,
that\'s why smart people\'s lives are they\'d be a net loss. But they\'re also
worst between, say, the ages of eleven too young to be left unsupervised.
and seventeen. Life at that age revolves Someone has to watch over them, and the
far more around popularity than before or most efficient way to do this is to
after. collect them together in one place. Then
Before that, kids\' lives are dominated a few adults can watch all of them.
by their parents, not by other kids. Kids If you stop there, what you\'re
do care what their peers think in describing is literally a prison, albeit
elementary school, but this isn\'t their a part-time one. The problem is, many
whole life, as it later becomes. schools practically do stop there. The
Around the age of eleven, though, kids stated purpose of schools is to educate
seem to start treating their family as a the kids. But there is no external
day job. They create a new world among pressure to do this well. And so most
themselves, and standing in this world is schools do such a bad job of teaching
what matters, not standing in their that the kids don\'t really take it
family. Indeed, being in trouble in their seriously-- not even the smart kids. Much
family can win them points in the world of the time we were all, students and
they care about. teachers both, just going through the
The problem is, the world these kids motions.
create for themselves is at first a very In my high school French class we were
crude one. If you leave a bunch of supposed to read Hugo\'s Les Miserables.
eleven-year-olds to their own devices, I don\'t think any of us knew French well
what you get is Lord of the Flies. Like a enough to make our way through this
lot of American kids, I read this book in enormous book. Like the rest of the
school. Presumably it was not a class, I just skimmed the Cliff\'s Notes.
coincidence. Presumably someone wanted to When we were given a test on the book, I
point out to us that we were savages, and noticed that the questions sounded odd.
that we had made ourselves a cruel and They were full of long words that our
stupid world. This was too subtle for me. teacher wouldn\'t have used. Where had
While the book seemed entirely these questions come from? From the
believable, I didn\'t get the additional Cliff\'s Notes, it turned out. The
message. I wish they had just told us teacher was using them too. We were all
outright that we were savages and our just pretending.
world was stupid. There are certainly great public school
Nerds would find their unpopularity more teachers. The energy and imagination of
bearable if it merely caused them to be my fourth grade teacher, Mr. Mihalko,
ignored. Unfortunately, to be unpopular made that year something his students
in school is to be actively persecuted. still talk about, thirty years later. But
Why? Once again, anyone currently in teachers like him were individuals
school might think this a strange swimming upstream. They couldn\'t fix the
question to ask. How could things be any system.
other way? But they could be. Adults In almost any group of people you\'ll
don\'t normally persecute nerds. Why do find hierarchy. When groups of adults
teenage kids do it? form in the real world, it\'s generally
Partly because teenagers are still half for some common purpose, and the leaders
children, and many children are just end up being those who are best at it.
intrinsically cruel. Some torture nerds The problem with most schools is, they
for the same reason they pull the legs have no purpose. But hierarchy there must
off spiders. Before you develop a be. And so the kids make one out of
conscience, torture is amusing. nothing.
Another reason kids persecute nerds is to We have a phrase to describe what happens
make themselves feel better. When you when rankings have to be created without
tread water, you lift yourself up by any meaningful criteria. We say that the
pushing water down. Likewise, in any situation degenerates into a popularity
social hierarchy, people unsure of their contest. And that\'s exactly what happens
own position will try to emphasize it by in most American schools. Instead of
maltreating those they think rank below. depending on some real test, one\'s rank
I\'ve read that this is why poor whites depends mostly on one\'s ability to
in the United States are the group most increase one\'s rank. It\'s like the
hostile to blacks. court of Louis XIV. There is no external
But I think the main reason other kids opponent, so the kids become one
persecute nerds is that it\'s part of the another\'s opponents.
mechanism of popularity. Popularity is When there is some real external test of
only partially about individual skill, it isn\'t painful to be at the
attractiveness. It\'s much more about bottom of the hierarchy. A rookie on a
alliances. To become more popular, you football team doesn\'t resent the skill
need to be constantly doing things that of the veteran; he hopes to be like him
bring you close to other popular people, one day and is happy to have the chance
and nothing brings people closer than a to learn from him. The veteran may in
common enemy. turn feel a sense of noblesse oblige. And
Like a politician who wants to distract most importantly, their status depends on
voters from bad times at home, you can how well they do against opponents, not
create an enemy if there isn\'t a real on whether they can push the other down.
one. By singling out and persecuting a Court hierarchies are another thing
nerd, a group of kids from higher in the entirely. This type of society debases
hierarchy create bonds between anyone who enters it. There is neither
themselves. Attacking an outsider makes admiration at the bottom, nor noblesse
them all insiders. This is why the worst oblige at the top. It\'s kill or be
cases of bullying happen with groups. Ask killed.
any nerd: you get much worse treatment This is the sort of society that gets
from a group of kids than from any created in American secondary schools.
individual bully, however sadistic. And it happens because these schools have
If it\'s any consolation to the nerds, no real purpose beyond keeping the kids
it\'s nothing personal. The group of kids all in one place for a certain number of
who band together to pick on you are hours each day. What I didn\'t realize at
doing the same thing, and for the same the time, and in fact didn\'t realize
reason, as a bunch of guys who get till very recently, is that the twin
together to go hunting. They don\'t horrors of school life, the cruelty and
actually hate you. They just need the boredom, both have the same cause.
something to chase. The mediocrity of American public schools
Because they\'re at the bottom of the has worse consequences than just making
scale, nerds are a safe target for the kids unhappy for six years. It breeds a
entire school. If I remember correctly, rebelliousness that actively drives kids
the most popular kids don\'t persecute away from the things they\'re supposed to
nerds; they don\'t need to stoop to such be learning.
things. Most of the persecution comes Like many nerds, probably, it was years
from kids lower down, the nervous middle after high school before I could bring
classes. myself to read anything we\'d been
The trouble is, there are a lot of them. assigned then. And I lost more than
The distribution of popularity is not a books. I mistrusted words like
pyramid, but tapers at the bottom like a \"character\" and \"integrity\" because
pear. The least popular group is quite they had been so debased by adults. As
small. (I believe we were the only D they were used then, these words all
table in our cafeteria map.) So there are seemed to mean the same thing: obedience.
more people who want to pick on nerds The kids who got praised for these
than there are nerds. qualities tended to be at best
As well as gaining points by distancing dull-witted prize bulls, and at worst
oneself from unpopular kids, one loses facile schmoozers. If that was what
points by being close to them. A woman I character and integrity were, I wanted no
know says that in high school she liked part of them.
nerds, but was afraid to be seen talking The word I most misunderstood was
to them because the other girls would \"tact.\" As used by adults, it seemed to
make fun of her. Unpopularity is a mean keeping your mouth shut. I assumed
communicable disease; kids too nice to it was derived from the same root as
pick on nerds will still ostracize them \"tacit\" and \"taciturn,\" and that it
in self-defense. literally meant being quiet. I vowed that
It\'s no wonder, then, that smart kids I would never be tactful; they were never
tend to be unhappy in middle school and going to shut me up. In fact, it\'s
high school. Their other interests leave derived from the same root as
them little attention to spare for \"tactile,\" and what it means is to have
popularity, and since popularity a deft touch. Tactful is the opposite of
resembles a zero-sum game, this in turn clumsy. I don\'t think I learned this
makes them targets for the whole school. until college.
And the strange thing is, this nightmare Nerds aren\'t the only losers in the
scenario happens without any conscious popularity rat race. Nerds are unpopular
malice, merely because of the shape of because they\'re distracted. There are
the situation. other kids who deliberately opt out
For me the worst stretch was junior high, because they\'re so disgusted with the
when kid culture was new and harsh, and whole process.
the specialization that would later Teenage kids, even rebels, don\'t like to
gradually separate the smarter kids had be alone, so when kids opt out of the
barely begun. Nearly everyone I\'ve system, they tend to do it as a group. At
talked to agrees: the nadir is somewhere the schools I went to, the focus of
between eleven and fourteen. rebellion was drug use, specifically
In our school it was eighth grade, which marijuana. The kids in this tribe wore
was ages twelve and thirteen for me. black concert t-shirts and were called
There was a brief sensation that year \"freaks.\"
when one of our teachers overheard a Freaks and nerds were allies, and there
group of girls waiting for the school wa