| Most of us hate housework.Nevertheless, | | | | dim light of the forest; this one was |
| even the most hopeless slobs amongst us | | | | entirely by itself. |
| would agree that we love having a clean, | | | | |
| organised house. It looks more inviting. | | | | What's Wrong With The Above |
| It's easy to find what you want, when | | | | Scene?Plenty! I'm amazed you've |
| you want it. If only it didn't take so | | | | persevered this far. (It made me |
| much time to get it that way!If you're | | | | nauseous just having to write it.) Okay, |
| lucky enough to have a cleaner, then | | | | I've exaggerated the problems in the |
| you've solved the problem. It's someone | | | | above excerpt somewhat to make my point |
| else's job to clean up and get rid of | | | | - but I've seen worse. Much worse, |
| the dust and the mess. Most of us don't | | | | actually.Here are some of the problems |
| have that luxury. If we want a clean and | | | | in the scene I created: |
| clutter-free environment, we have to | | | | |
| work to get it that way.It's exactly the | | | | Over-explaining; repetition. We are |
| same when it comes to writing. If you | | | | shown that Marcy is in a state of panic |
| want a fresh, clutter-free piece of text | | | | by the way she's racing through the |
| - you have to clean it up yourself. | | | | forest 'not daring to look behind her'. |
| Readers don't like to be surrounded by | | | | It's not necessary to add 'in her state |
| clutter any more than you do.What Is | | | | of raw panic' or even 'her reckless |
| "Clutter"?"Clutter" in writing may be | | | | headlong course'. Ditto for the words |
| described as anything that clogs up the | | | | 'strange' and 'plant' - look for the |
| channel between the writer's imagination | | | | instances of repetition. The fact that a |
| and the reader's experience. If you have | | | | vine is 'handy' implies that it is |
| a hard time identifying what is clutter | | | | nearby, and it's in the nature of vines |
| and what isn't, use these points to | | | | to swing - so we don't need the words |
| guide you. | | | | 'nearby' or 'swinging'.Trees are just |
| | | | trees; vines are just vines. Marcy is |
| Be guided by the viewpoint character's | | | | getting caught up in them because she's |
| thoughts, emotions and reactions. Climb | | | | running blindly to get away from her |
| inside the skin of the viewpoint | | | | pursuer(s). Unless she's in some kind of |
| character. What does he/she feel? Think? | | | | enchanted forest, the trees could not be |
| Decide? When something happens, what | | | | taking 'evil' swipes, and they are not |
| would this character's logical reaction | | | | 'attacking' her in some 'savage |
| be?If something is not noticed by the | | | | assault'. The writer should be showing |
| viewpoint character, or is not | | | | Marcy's fear through her thoughts and |
| important, don't put it in.Don't | | | | reactions, rather than attempting to |
| over-explain. Remember that we all come | | | | generate suspense through giving the |
| to any novel with a host of experiences | | | | trees human attributes.Marcy's main aim |
| behind us. Readers and authors share | | | | is to escape her pursuers. Put yourself |
| many common experiences. For example: | | | | in Marcy's place. If you were running |
| mention the word 'vomit' and that is | | | | from someone or something, what would be |
| quite enough for most readers to fill in | | | | your main concern? (a) to get away and |
| the gaps. They don't need you to go into | | | | (b) to make sure they were nowhere close |
| detail about the smell, texture, colour | | | | if you had to stop. If you had to stop |
| and so on.Avoid the temptation to | | | | to catch your breath, is it likely you |
| personify inanimate objects. If you | | | | would suddenly forget your pursuers to |
| attribute human characteristics or | | | | look more closely at a strange plant? Of |
| emotions to anything from a mailbox to a | | | | course not. You'd listen for sounds of |
| rock, it (a) distracts the reader, | | | | pursuit and decide whether you needed to |
| focusing his/her attention on something | | | | keep going or hide.Make sure your |
| that is not important and (b) reduces | | | | characters act logically. Anything else |
| the impact of the human character's | | | | is clutter. (In this case, if the |
| emotions. (In a fantasy novel, of | | | | strange plant is important to the plot, |
| course, you may have all sorts of | | | | think of a more convincing way to bring |
| strange objects or creatures that take | | | | it into the story rather than plonking |
| on human characteristics.)Avoid | | | | it right in Marcy's path and having her |
| repetition. This means repeated words or | | | | 'suddenly' notice it.)Avoid long |
| phrases (often repeated because the | | | | sentences with lots of detail when you |
| writer is too lazy to find an | | | | are trying to create the impression of |
| alternative) and repeated ideas. You | | | | haste and fear. For example: "Tripping |
| don't need to explain the same thing | | | | on a protruding root she half-fell, but |
| three different ways.Avoid words that | | | | recovered quickly, maintaining her |
| will be unfamiliar to most readers. | | | | reckless headlong course through the |
| Don't take the high road and decide that | | | | knotted vines and lashing branches that |
| it's your job to improve your readers' | | | | were taking evil swipes at her as she |
| vocabularies. Most of them won't thank | | | | ran." Do we feel Marcy's terror? Can we |
| you for it. They don't want to put down | | | | feel the burning of her lungs as she |
| the book and go find a dictionary. One | | | | runs, gasping for air? Can we feel the |
| unfamiliar word isn't a problem; a book | | | | pain as she falls? No, no and no. The |
| full of them annoys the reader | | | | writer is telling, not showing. In this |
| intensely. Do you want to annoy your | | | | sentence, the main character seems |
| readers? I hope not. | | | | somewhat removed from what is happening |
| | | | to her. We're reading about her rather |
| An Example Of A Scene Filled With | | | | than looking through her eyes.There's an |
| Clutter | | | | over-reliance on the '...ing' |
| Gasping for air, Marcy raced through | | | | construction. This is one of the main |
| the dark green forest, not daring to | | | | culprits in making a passage of text |
| look behind her in her state of raw | | | | slow-paced and repetitive. In the |
| panic. Tripping on a protruding root she | | | | example above we have sentences starting |
| half-fell, but recovered quickly and | | | | with "gasping"; "tripping"; "wishing" |
| maintained her reckless headlong course | | | | and "taking" - not to mention the other |
| through the knotted vines and lashing | | | | "ing" words that pepper the text: |
| branches that were taking evil swipes at | | | | "protruding", "maintaining", "lashing", |
| her as she ran. She had to get away from | | | | "echoing", "falling", "taking", and |
| her pursuers."Ouch!" she yelped as yet | | | | "swinging". Check all your work to make |
| another branch attacked her, the | | | | sure you're not showing symptoms of the |
| 'thwack' of its savage assault echoing | | | | "ing" disease! |
| through the half-light. Almost falling | | | | |
| again she managed to recover, grabbing | | | | These are just a few of the things that |
| on to a handy nearby swinging vine to | | | | can clutter your writing and make it |
| save herself. Wishing she had never set | | | | hard for the reader to struggle through. |
| out on this trip, she decided to stop to | | | | Cut the clutter - and keep your readers |
| catch her breath. Taking the opportunity | | | | turning pages.(c) copyright Marg |
| to look around, she suddenly saw a | | | | McAlisterMarg McAlister has published |
| strange plant, its leaves an odd mottled | | | | magazine articles, short stories, books |
| purple that was at odds with all the | | | | for children, ezines, promotional |
| greenery that surrounded it on every | | | | material, sales letters and web content. |
| side. What a strange plant, she | | | | She has written 5 distance education |
| thought.Going over to take a closer | | | | courses on writing, and her online help |
| look, she was intrigued by the way the | | | | for writers is popular all over the |
| plant seemed to be in a space of its | | | | world. |
| own. No other plants grew close in the | | | | |