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How To Cut the Clutter and Win Readers

Most of us hate housework.Nevertheless, evenitself.
the most hopeless slobs amongst us would
agree that we love having a clean, organised
house. It looks more inviting. It's easy to
find what you want, when you want it. If onlyWhat's Wrong With The Above Scene?Plenty!
it didn't take so much time to get it thatI'm amazed you've persevered this far. (It
way!If you're lucky enough to have a cleaner,made me nauseous just having to write it.)
then you've solved the problem. It's someoneOkay, I've exaggerated the problems in the
else's job to clean up and get rid of theabove excerpt somewhat to make my point - but
dust and the mess. Most of us don't have thatI've seen worse. Much worse, actually.Here
luxury. If we want a clean and clutter-freeare some of the problems in the scene I
environment, we have to work to get it thatcreated:
way.It's exactly the same when it comes to
writing. If you want a fresh, clutter-free
piece of text - you have to clean it up
yourself. Readers don't like to be surroundedOver-explaining; repetition. We are shown
by clutter any more than you do.What Isthat Marcy is in a state of panic by the way
"Clutter"?"Clutter" in writing may beshe's racing through the forest 'not daring
described as anything that clogs up theto look behind her'. It's not necessary to
channel between the writer's imagination andadd 'in her state of raw panic' or even 'her
the reader's experience. If you have a hardreckless headlong course'. Ditto for the
time identifying what is clutter and whatwords 'strange' and 'plant' - look for the
isn't,  use  these  points  to  guide  you.instances of repetition. The fact that a vine
is 'handy' implies that it is nearby, and
it's in the nature of vines to swing - so we
don't need the words 'nearby' or
Be guided by the viewpoint character's'swinging'.Trees are just trees; vines are
thoughts, emotions and reactions. Climbjust vines. Marcy is getting caught up in
inside the skin of the viewpoint character.them because she's running blindly to get
What does he/she feel? Think? Decide? Whenaway from her pursuer(s). Unless she's in
something happens, what would thissome kind of enchanted forest, the trees
character's logical reaction be?If somethingcould not be taking 'evil' swipes, and they
is not noticed by the viewpoint character, orare not 'attacking' her in some 'savage
is not important, don't put it in.Don'tassault'. The writer should be showing
over-explain. Remember that we all come toMarcy's fear through her thoughts and
any novel with a host of experiences behindreactions, rather than attempting to generate
us. Readers and authors share many commonsuspense through giving the trees human
experiences. For example: mention the wordattributes.Marcy's main aim is to escape her
'vomit' and that is quite enough for mostpursuers. Put yourself in Marcy's place. If
readers to fill in the gaps. They don't needyou were running from someone or something,
you to go into detail about the smell,what would be your main concern? (a) to get
texture, colour and so on.Avoid theaway and (b) to make sure they were nowhere
temptation to personify inanimate objects. Ifclose if you had to stop. If you had to stop
you attribute human characteristics orto catch your breath, is it likely you would
emotions to anything from a mailbox to asuddenly forget your pursuers to look more
rock, it (a) distracts the reader, focusingclosely at a strange plant? Of course not.
his/her attention on something that is notYou'd listen for sounds of pursuit and decide
important and (b) reduces the impact of thewhether you needed to keep going or hide.Make
human character's emotions. (In a fantasysure your characters act logically. Anything
novel, of course, you may have all sorts ofelse is clutter. (In this case, if the
strange objects or creatures that take onstrange plant is important to the plot, think
human characteristics.)Avoid repetition. Thisof a more convincing way to bring it into the
means repeated words or phrases (oftenstory rather than plonking it right in
repeated because the writer is too lazy toMarcy's path and having her 'suddenly' notice
find an alternative) and repeated ideas. Youit.)Avoid long sentences with lots of detail
don't need to explain the same thing threewhen you are trying to create the impression
different ways.Avoid words that will beof haste and fear. For example: "Tripping on
unfamiliar to most readers. Don't take thea protruding root she half-fell, but
high road and decide that it's your job torecovered quickly, maintaining her reckless
improve your readers' vocabularies. Most ofheadlong course through the knotted vines and
them won't thank you for it. They don't wantlashing branches that were taking evil swipes
to put down the book and go find aat her as she ran." Do we feel Marcy's
dictionary. One unfamiliar word isn't aterror? Can we feel the burning of her lungs
problem; a book full of them annoys theas she runs, gasping for air? Can we feel the
reader intensely. Do you want to annoy yourpain as she falls? No, no and no. The writer
readers?  I  hope  not.is telling, not showing. In this sentence,
the main character seems somewhat removed
from what is happening to her. We're reading
about her rather than looking through her
An  Example  Of  A Scene Filled With Cluttereyes.There's an over-reliance on the '...ing'
construction. This is one of the main
Gasping for air, Marcy raced through theculprits in making a passage of text
dark green forest, not daring to look behindslow-paced and repetitive. In the example
her in her state of raw panic. Tripping on aabove we have sentences starting with
protruding root she half-fell, but recovered"gasping"; "tripping"; "wishing" and "taking"
quickly and maintained her reckless headlong- not to mention the other "ing" words that
course through the knotted vines and lashingpepper the text: "protruding", "maintaining",
branches that were taking evil swipes at her"lashing", "echoing", "falling", "taking",
as she ran. She had to get away from herand "swinging". Check all your work to make
pursuers."Ouch!" she yelped as yet anothersure you're not showing symptoms of the "ing"
branch attacked her, the 'thwack' of itsdisease!
savage assault echoing through the
half-light. Almost falling again she managed
to recover, grabbing on to a handy nearby
swinging vine to save herself. Wishing sheThese are just a few of the things that can
had never set out on this trip, she decidedclutter your writing and make it hard for the
to stop to catch her breath. Taking thereader to struggle through. Cut the clutter -
opportunity to look around, she suddenly sawand keep your readers turning pages.(c)
a strange plant, its leaves an odd mottledcopyright Marg McAlisterMarg McAlister has
purple that was at odds with all the greenerypublished magazine articles, short stories,
that surrounded it on every side. What abooks for children, ezines, promotional
strange plant, she thought.Going over to takematerial, sales letters and web content. She
a closer look, she was intrigued by the wayhas written 5 distance education courses on
the plant seemed to be in a space of its own.writing, and her online help for writers is
No other plants grew close in the dim lightpopular all over the world.
of the forest; this one was entirely by



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