| Most of us hate housework.Nevertheless, even | | | | itself. |
| the most hopeless slobs amongst us would | | | | |
| agree that we love having a clean, organised | | | | |
| house. It looks more inviting. It's easy to | | | | |
| find what you want, when you want it. If only | | | | What's Wrong With The Above Scene?Plenty! |
| it didn't take so much time to get it that | | | | I'm amazed you've persevered this far. (It |
| way!If you're lucky enough to have a cleaner, | | | | made me nauseous just having to write it.) |
| then you've solved the problem. It's someone | | | | Okay, I've exaggerated the problems in the |
| else's job to clean up and get rid of the | | | | above excerpt somewhat to make my point - but |
| dust and the mess. Most of us don't have that | | | | I've seen worse. Much worse, actually.Here |
| luxury. If we want a clean and clutter-free | | | | are some of the problems in the scene I |
| environment, we have to work to get it that | | | | created: |
| way.It's exactly the same when it comes to | | | | |
| writing. If you want a fresh, clutter-free | | | | |
| piece of text - you have to clean it up | | | | |
| yourself. Readers don't like to be surrounded | | | | Over-explaining; repetition. We are shown |
| by clutter any more than you do.What Is | | | | that Marcy is in a state of panic by the way |
| "Clutter"?"Clutter" in writing may be | | | | she's racing through the forest 'not daring |
| described as anything that clogs up the | | | | to look behind her'. It's not necessary to |
| channel between the writer's imagination and | | | | add 'in her state of raw panic' or even 'her |
| the reader's experience. If you have a hard | | | | reckless headlong course'. Ditto for the |
| time identifying what is clutter and what | | | | words 'strange' and 'plant' - look for the |
| isn't, use these points to guide you. | | | | instances of repetition. The fact that a vine |
| | | | is 'handy' implies that it is nearby, and |
| | | | it's in the nature of vines to swing - so we |
| | | | don't need the words 'nearby' or |
| Be guided by the viewpoint character's | | | | 'swinging'.Trees are just trees; vines are |
| thoughts, emotions and reactions. Climb | | | | just vines. Marcy is getting caught up in |
| inside the skin of the viewpoint character. | | | | them because she's running blindly to get |
| What does he/she feel? Think? Decide? When | | | | away from her pursuer(s). Unless she's in |
| something happens, what would this | | | | some kind of enchanted forest, the trees |
| character's logical reaction be?If something | | | | could not be taking 'evil' swipes, and they |
| is not noticed by the viewpoint character, or | | | | are not 'attacking' her in some 'savage |
| is not important, don't put it in.Don't | | | | assault'. The writer should be showing |
| over-explain. Remember that we all come to | | | | Marcy's fear through her thoughts and |
| any novel with a host of experiences behind | | | | reactions, rather than attempting to generate |
| us. Readers and authors share many common | | | | suspense through giving the trees human |
| experiences. For example: mention the word | | | | attributes.Marcy's main aim is to escape her |
| 'vomit' and that is quite enough for most | | | | pursuers. Put yourself in Marcy's place. If |
| readers to fill in the gaps. They don't need | | | | you were running from someone or something, |
| you to go into detail about the smell, | | | | what would be your main concern? (a) to get |
| texture, colour and so on.Avoid the | | | | away and (b) to make sure they were nowhere |
| temptation to personify inanimate objects. If | | | | close if you had to stop. If you had to stop |
| you attribute human characteristics or | | | | to catch your breath, is it likely you would |
| emotions to anything from a mailbox to a | | | | suddenly forget your pursuers to look more |
| rock, it (a) distracts the reader, focusing | | | | closely at a strange plant? Of course not. |
| his/her attention on something that is not | | | | You'd listen for sounds of pursuit and decide |
| important and (b) reduces the impact of the | | | | whether you needed to keep going or hide.Make |
| human character's emotions. (In a fantasy | | | | sure your characters act logically. Anything |
| novel, of course, you may have all sorts of | | | | else is clutter. (In this case, if the |
| strange objects or creatures that take on | | | | strange plant is important to the plot, think |
| human characteristics.)Avoid repetition. This | | | | of a more convincing way to bring it into the |
| means repeated words or phrases (often | | | | story rather than plonking it right in |
| repeated because the writer is too lazy to | | | | Marcy's path and having her 'suddenly' notice |
| find an alternative) and repeated ideas. You | | | | it.)Avoid long sentences with lots of detail |
| don't need to explain the same thing three | | | | when you are trying to create the impression |
| different ways.Avoid words that will be | | | | of haste and fear. For example: "Tripping on |
| unfamiliar to most readers. Don't take the | | | | a protruding root she half-fell, but |
| high road and decide that it's your job to | | | | recovered quickly, maintaining her reckless |
| improve your readers' vocabularies. Most of | | | | headlong course through the knotted vines and |
| them won't thank you for it. They don't want | | | | lashing branches that were taking evil swipes |
| to put down the book and go find a | | | | at her as she ran." Do we feel Marcy's |
| dictionary. One unfamiliar word isn't a | | | | terror? Can we feel the burning of her lungs |
| problem; a book full of them annoys the | | | | as she runs, gasping for air? Can we feel the |
| reader intensely. Do you want to annoy your | | | | pain as she falls? No, no and no. The writer |
| readers? I hope not. | | | | is telling, not showing. In this sentence, |
| | | | the main character seems somewhat removed |
| | | | from what is happening to her. We're reading |
| | | | about her rather than looking through her |
| An Example Of A Scene Filled With Clutter | | | | eyes.There's an over-reliance on the '...ing' |
| | | | construction. This is one of the main |
| Gasping for air, Marcy raced through the | | | | culprits in making a passage of text |
| dark green forest, not daring to look behind | | | | slow-paced and repetitive. In the example |
| her in her state of raw panic. Tripping on a | | | | above we have sentences starting with |
| protruding root she half-fell, but recovered | | | | "gasping"; "tripping"; "wishing" and "taking" |
| quickly and maintained her reckless headlong | | | | - not to mention the other "ing" words that |
| course through the knotted vines and lashing | | | | pepper the text: "protruding", "maintaining", |
| branches that were taking evil swipes at her | | | | "lashing", "echoing", "falling", "taking", |
| as she ran. She had to get away from her | | | | and "swinging". Check all your work to make |
| pursuers."Ouch!" she yelped as yet another | | | | sure you're not showing symptoms of the "ing" |
| branch attacked her, the 'thwack' of its | | | | disease! |
| savage assault echoing through the | | | | |
| half-light. Almost falling again she managed | | | | |
| to recover, grabbing on to a handy nearby | | | | |
| swinging vine to save herself. Wishing she | | | | These are just a few of the things that can |
| had never set out on this trip, she decided | | | | clutter your writing and make it hard for the |
| to stop to catch her breath. Taking the | | | | reader to struggle through. Cut the clutter - |
| opportunity to look around, she suddenly saw | | | | and keep your readers turning pages.(c) |
| a strange plant, its leaves an odd mottled | | | | copyright Marg McAlisterMarg McAlister has |
| purple that was at odds with all the greenery | | | | published magazine articles, short stories, |
| that surrounded it on every side. What a | | | | books for children, ezines, promotional |
| strange plant, she thought.Going over to take | | | | material, sales letters and web content. She |
| a closer look, she was intrigued by the way | | | | has written 5 distance education courses on |
| the plant seemed to be in a space of its own. | | | | writing, and her online help for writers is |
| No other plants grew close in the dim light | | | | popular all over the world. |
| of the forest; this one was entirely by | | | | |