| Most of us hate housework.Nevertheless, even the | | | | itself. |
| most hopeless slobs amongst us would agree that | | | | |
| we love having a clean, organised house. It looks | | | | What's Wrong With The Above Scene?Plenty! I'm |
| more inviting. It's easy to find what you want, when | | | | amazed you've persevered this far. (It made me |
| you want it. If only it didn't take so much time to get | | | | nauseous just having to write it.) Okay, I've |
| it that way!If you're lucky enough to have a cleaner, | | | | exaggerated the problems in the above excerpt |
| then you've solved the problem. It's someone else's | | | | somewhat to make my point - but I've seen worse. |
| job to clean up and get rid of the dust and the mess. | | | | Much worse, actually.Here are some of the problems |
| Most of us don't have that luxury. If we want a | | | | in the scene I created: |
| clean and clutter-free environment, we have to work | | | | |
| to get it that way.It's exactly the same when it | | | | Over-explaining; repetition. We are shown that |
| comes to writing. If you want a fresh, clutter-free | | | | Marcy is in a state of panic by the way she's racing |
| piece of text - you have to clean it up yourself. | | | | through the forest 'not daring to look behind her'. It's |
| Readers don't like to be surrounded by clutter any | | | | not necessary to add 'in her state of raw panic' or |
| more than you do.What Is "Clutter"?"Clutter" in | | | | even 'her reckless headlong course'. Ditto for the |
| writing may be described as anything that clogs up | | | | words 'strange' and 'plant' - look for the instances of |
| the channel between the writer's imagination and the | | | | repetition. The fact that a vine is 'handy' implies that |
| reader's experience. If you have a hard time | | | | it is nearby, and it's in the nature of vines to swing - |
| identifying what is clutter and what isn't, use these | | | | so we don't need the words 'nearby' or |
| points to guide you. | | | | 'swinging'.Trees are just trees; vines are just vines. |
| | | | Marcy is getting caught up in them because she's |
| Be guided by the viewpoint character's thoughts, | | | | running blindly to get away from her pursuer(s). |
| emotions and reactions. Climb inside the skin of the | | | | Unless she's in some kind of enchanted forest, the |
| viewpoint character. What does he/she feel? Think? | | | | trees could not be taking 'evil' swipes, and they are |
| Decide? When something happens, what would this | | | | not 'attacking' her in some 'savage assault'. The writer |
| character's logical reaction be?If something is not | | | | should be showing Marcy's fear through her thoughts |
| noticed by the viewpoint character, or is not | | | | and reactions, rather than attempting to generate |
| important, don't put it in.Don't over-explain. | | | | suspense through giving the trees human |
| Remember that we all come to any novel with a | | | | attributes.Marcy's main aim is to escape her pursuers. |
| host of experiences behind us. Readers and authors | | | | Put yourself in Marcy's place. If you were running |
| share many common experiences. For example: | | | | from someone or something, what would be your |
| mention the word 'vomit' and that is quite enough for | | | | main concern? (a) to get away and (b) to make sure |
| most readers to fill in the gaps. They don't need you | | | | they were nowhere close if you had to stop. If you |
| to go into detail about the smell, texture, colour and | | | | had to stop to catch your breath, is it likely you |
| so on.Avoid the temptation to personify inanimate | | | | would suddenly forget your pursuers to look more |
| objects. If you attribute human characteristics or | | | | closely at a strange plant? Of course not. You'd listen |
| emotions to anything from a mailbox to a rock, it (a) | | | | for sounds of pursuit and decide whether you |
| distracts the reader, focusing his/her attention on | | | | needed to keep going or hide.Make sure your |
| something that is not important and (b) reduces the | | | | characters act logically. Anything else is clutter. (In this |
| impact of the human character's emotions. (In a | | | | case, if the strange plant is important to the plot, |
| fantasy novel, of course, you may have all sorts of | | | | think of a more convincing way to bring it into the |
| strange objects or creatures that take on human | | | | story rather than plonking it right in Marcy's path and |
| characteristics.)Avoid repetition. This means repeated | | | | having her 'suddenly' notice it.)Avoid long sentences |
| words or phrases (often repeated because the | | | | with lots of detail when you are trying to create the |
| writer is too lazy to find an alternative) and repeated | | | | impression of haste and fear. For example: "Tripping |
| ideas. You don't need to explain the same thing three | | | | on a protruding root she half-fell, but recovered |
| different ways.Avoid words that will be unfamiliar to | | | | quickly, maintaining her reckless headlong course |
| most readers. Don't take the high road and decide | | | | through the knotted vines and lashing branches that |
| that it's your job to improve your readers' | | | | were taking evil swipes at her as she ran." Do we |
| vocabularies. Most of them won't thank you for it. | | | | feel Marcy's terror? Can we feel the burning of her |
| They don't want to put down the book and go find | | | | lungs as she runs, gasping for air? Can we feel the |
| a dictionary. One unfamiliar word isn't a problem; a | | | | pain as she falls? No, no and no. The writer is telling, |
| book full of them annoys the reader intensely. Do | | | | not showing. In this sentence, the main character |
| you want to annoy your readers? I hope not. | | | | seems somewhat removed from what is happening |
| | | | to her. We're reading about her rather than looking |
| An Example Of A Scene Filled With Clutter | | | | through her eyes.There's an over-reliance on the '...ing' |
| Gasping for air, Marcy raced through the dark green | | | | construction. This is one of the main culprits in making |
| forest, not daring to look behind her in her state of | | | | a passage of text slow-paced and repetitive. In the |
| raw panic. Tripping on a protruding root she half-fell, | | | | example above we have sentences starting with |
| but recovered quickly and maintained her reckless | | | | "gasping"; "tripping"; "wishing" and "taking" - not to |
| headlong course through the knotted vines and | | | | mention the other "ing" words that pepper the text: |
| lashing branches that were taking evil swipes at her | | | | "protruding", "maintaining", "lashing", "echoing", "falling", |
| as she ran. She had to get away from her | | | | "taking", and "swinging". Check all your work to make |
| pursuers."Ouch!" she yelped as yet another branch | | | | sure you're not showing symptoms of the "ing" |
| attacked her, the 'thwack' of its savage assault | | | | disease! |
| echoing through the half-light. Almost falling again she | | | | |
| managed to recover, grabbing on to a handy nearby | | | | These are just a few of the things that can clutter |
| swinging vine to save herself. Wishing she had never | | | | your writing and make it hard for the reader to |
| set out on this trip, she decided to stop to catch her | | | | struggle through. Cut the clutter - and keep your |
| breath. Taking the opportunity to look around, she | | | | readers turning pages.(c) copyright Marg |
| suddenly saw a strange plant, its leaves an odd | | | | McAlisterMarg McAlister has published magazine |
| mottled purple that was at odds with all the greenery | | | | articles, short stories, books for children, ezines, |
| that surrounded it on every side. What a strange | | | | promotional material, sales letters and web content. |
| plant, she thought.Going over to take a closer look, | | | | She has written 5 distance education courses on |
| she was intrigued by the way the plant seemed to | | | | writing, and her online help for writers is popular all |
| be in a space of its own. No other plants grew close | | | | over the world. |
| in the dim light of the forest; this one was entirely by | | | | |