| Sad, but true. Just about everywhere you look online, | | | | drying it with your wife's hair dryer (when she'd gone |
| the English language is suffering a fate worse than | | | | out of the house, natch), and then gingerly covering |
| death. The problem, in reality, is so widespread that it | | | | it with a special jelly for sofness. You know, just |
| has begun to affect all aspects of the language. "But, | | | | your average 3-Step Recycling Process used mainly in |
| what on Earth does this have to do with Internet | | | | Third World countries like Wyoming, for instance...For |
| marketing?" you may be asking. Well, my fellow | | | | the purposes of this little tale, let's call this first |
| netpreneur...Everything!It has everything to do with | | | | marketer, Butcher D. Grammer.Well, this confounded |
| Internet marketing if you wish to portray yourself, | | | | fellow started something which has become a |
| and be perceived as, a Marketing Professional on the | | | | movement, or a new language convention. Butcher |
| internet. Just remember, professionally speaking, | | | | decided that the little fellow, my friend the |
| Image is Everything. On the other hand, if you're not | | | | apostrophe, should not be used according to any |
| particularly interested in putting your 'best foot | | | | rules or previous language conventions; heck no, the |
| forward' when marketing your services or products, | | | | little fellow would, according to our Bathroom Recycle |
| and I really hope this is not the case, then none of | | | | Consultant, be used any ol'time.He would use it, and |
| this applies to you.Obviously, we don't have time | | | | so would the masses who were yet to come, but |
| here to do an in-depth study of the many instances | | | | who would follow suit, and our Butcher knew this |
| of, what I would term, "casual disdain" I've witnessed | | | | well, to interchangeably indicate either the possessive |
| online. So, in order to illustrate my point, I'll | | | | or the plural forms in any sentence.So, a sentence |
| concentrate on a small, but vital component of the | | | | such as, "The seller does not guarantee its potential |
| English language: the innocent, harmless | | | | profit," became: "The seller does not guarantee it's |
| apostrophe.Allow me to try to paint a picture for | | | | potential profit."Here he turned the possessive form |
| you. A long, long, time ago, around the time of the | | | | of "its" into the abbreviated, or the contraction form |
| De Soto, the Corvair, bellbottoms, the VW "bug" | | | | of, it is. So, if you were to read the second |
| (ring a bell?), and before beatniks became known as | | | | sentence, removing the contraction, the last part |
| hippies, you could look at advertisement copy and | | | | would read: "does not guarantee it is potential."But, |
| expect, to some degree, that it had been reviewed | | | | our little Butcher, a thorough and disciplined |
| and, presumably, corrected.In other words, it was | | | | craftsman, was not through yet. After all, there was |
| safe for women, children, and other life forms to | | | | even more damage he could inflict on American |
| view it, and read its content without suffering any | | | | English; and, leeringly, he mused, rubbing his hands |
| permanent, debilitating psychological damage, such as | | | | together, "They'll follow me blindly anywhere."Next, |
| a hard to diagnose speech impediment, or maybe an | | | | he turned his attention to the plural form of simple |
| involuntary nervous twitch across one cheek.What I | | | | words. Just about any word ending in "s," indicating |
| see most of us doing now, at the dawn of the 21st | | | | that there was more than one object of whatever |
| Century, is that we read ad copy, and then, because | | | | unit was being counted or measured, he turned into, |
| it's in bold letters on carefully selected background, | | | | you guessed it, the possessive form.Words or terms |
| surrounded by pretty pictures, we accept its | | | | such as, buyers, software tools, ingrown toe nails, |
| message as Gospel truth. We get so bowled over by | | | | battering ramps, fools, attractive girls, |
| the "look" of it, that we forget to examine it critically | | | | dumb-as-can-be-guys, and many, many others, |
| enough.Talk about your viral strategy, indeed...Today, | | | | became: buyer's, software tool's, ingrown toe nail's, |
| in the age of the cell phone, the Lexus, Viagra, the | | | | battering ramp's, fool's, attractive girl's, |
| twenty five cent phone call, and a PC "in every | | | | dumb-as-can-be-guy's.As hard to believe as it may |
| barn," wherever I look, I see the poor apostrophe | | | | seem, Butcher reign of terror is still not only alive and |
| maligned and misused. It gets no respect, either | | | | well, but from what I'm going to show you, it's |
| offline on signs, billboards, and late-night Infomercials, | | | | expanding frighteningly. Please have a look at the |
| or (shudder) online in cyber country, on that very | | | | following three additional examples, and cringe in |
| personal and intimate expression of its owner's taste | | | | terror:1. If your interested, just sign up from the link |
| and personality: an individual's web site.Since I spend | | | | below.2. Just click here, and your done.3. Simply load |
| so much time online, much more, I think, than I | | | | email address's into your auto-responder.Obviously, in |
| spend on the real pavement of our world, I notice | | | | the first two sentences, Butcher and his followers |
| the glaring mistreatment heaped upon our poor little | | | | have cleverly used the second-person possessive |
| fellow- the apostrophe-by careless webmasters, | | | | pronoun "your" as a substitute for the abbreviated |
| even more. The main thing I notice is that the | | | | "you're." Their thinking being, "The heck with that |
| apostrophe's originally intended use is slowly eroding; | | | | comma-like thing which is supposed to go on top. |
| people are just making up their own versions of | | | | Nobody will even miss it. And, we can get away with |
| what its purpose really is. This is a prime example of | | | | chopping off the last "e", also." (So, once again, the |
| what I mean by "casual disdain."It's been reported in | | | | apostrophe gets the shaft).As regards the third |
| 'The Really Up Yonder Gazette', an influential | | | | sentence shown above, quite frankly, I have no |
| publication dedicated to digging up gossip about the | | | | comment; I wouldn't even know where to begin |
| well known dearly departed, that both William | | | | defining or deciphering it...I'm afraid to look at it. It's |
| Shakespeare and John Milton have thrown up their | | | | just a stroke of genius from the hand of our hero, |
| arms in despair, and are contemplating turning their | | | | Butcher, who must have found the inspiration for this |
| backs for good on something that some would | | | | little morcel during a wrenching psychotic |
| consider their own creation: our English language.As a | | | | episode.Now, I don't know how other people feel |
| matter of fact, in a recent exclusive interview, "Willie | | | | about the sinister, pervasive, and, yes, viral damage |
| boy" himself bemoans the effect all of this is having | | | | caused by this one crazy guy, but I, for one, hope |
| on his favorite language, as follows:"Oh, perfidy that | | | | he has gone to his final resting place. Let him drive |
| has befallen our instrument of expression, by us once | | | | them crazy over there if (God forbid) he finds |
| nearly refined. Oh, treachery flung upon us by the | | | | himself near a typewriter; as it is, Butcher's |
| masses shamelessly disdainful of reading and writing, | | | | handiwork makes me go nuts practically every day |
| of independent thought evidently | | | | here in cyber space.If only we could go back to that |
| incapable!"Ahem...Frankly, I firmly believe that this | | | | time in the past, 1962 comes readily to mind for one |
| unwarranted offense was perpetrated by one of the | | | | reason or another, when spelling and a little attention |
| first guys, if not the very first, who threw up that | | | | to grammar counted for something.But, as they say, |
| first Web site selling, say, floppy disks with | | | | in Bolivia, "Dude, t'ain't no use complainin', 'dem 'dere |
| instructions on how to extend the mileage on | | | | day's is long gone. |
| single-ply bathroom tissue by rewashing it, carefully | | | | |