Love: What is It?

Time and again we spot a cartoon in one of our localthis form of love. This perverse act be it in men or
dailies with the caption that begins 'love is …'women (lesbianism) belittles the very reason man and
The electronic media continues to give us a diet ofwoman were created - To become one in love. "it is
soap operas in which the main theme is love - In allnot good for man to live alone. I will make a suitable
its forms. Walking down any street, you can't helpcompanion to help him. So … God …
but yield to the magnetic force calling your attentionformed woman (Genesis 2:18;22). If God had
to the message on a billboard, 'true love waits' andintended for man to share his love with another, He
afterwards go on musing over the meaning of thiscertainly would never have created the woman as his
human emotion that has to 'wait'. The big questioncompanion or the other way round for the woman
centers around unearthing the mystery behind this(or would He!).
four-letter word that has been on the lips ofMature love
humanity since the beginning of time.Mature love is true and is a divine gift from God
The notions advanced by some notable writers,bestowed upon humankind from the moment the
laureates and philosophers are diverse and interestingcreator said, 'let's make man in our own image'. When
if not outrageous. The legendary Greek philosopher,the last touch was applied to this masterpiece of
Plato, described love as 'a grave mental disease'. Thecreation, love was installed as an in-built trait, to be
English poet, Daniel Samuel, viewed it as 'a sicknessdiscovered and enhanced between two people and
full of woes, all remedies refusing'. Still continuing innever to be 'made' as the stereotype goes.
this strange elite train of thought, Ambrose Bierce,It does not imply sex but instead sex should be
the American journalist and author, described love asviewed as secondary to the romantic experiences
'a temporary insanity curable by marriage or bytwo love birds share in a relationship and designed to
removal of the patient from the influence underbe the completion of intimacy. Hence sex before
which he incurred the disorder'.marriage isn't the culmination of love, it is simply
Once even the music group 'SWV' posed a questionfornication!
in their debut album 'New beginning' as to why love isOften in our relationship our spouses our spouses
the way it is with pain and joy existing in a singleprompt us with the challenge of proving our love.
emotion! The '70s group, 'Nazareth' concluded thatSadly, for many of us, the response is usually sexual.
love is a knife that was meant to cut and cause pain.Such love is short-lived because sooner or later the
Such is the stand held by some of the world'sorgiastic flavour dies away and the longing for other
intelligentsia and celebrities regarding this word which'greener, uncultivated pastures increases. There are
is as old as the universe itself. Perchance, themany ways of proving our love other than through
mystery enshrouding this blossom of romance is ansex - in fact as many as there are stars in the sky!
indication of the complexity of the phenomenon andLet me take you down memory lane for a while. Do
also a good reason why so many have fallen victimsyou recall that gift you bought her on her birthday
to its captivatingly enchanting spell oblivious of itslast year or the executive pen you bought him last
true nature!month? How am I doing so far? Remember that
Looking at the expressed sentiments above, it iswonderful walk in the park you had together once or
very easy to conclude that love is a force straighttwice reflecting, amidst laughter, the many obstacles
from hell but maybe some words from the otheryou went through to be where you are today or
side of the elite caste shows otherwise. The greatbetter still, recall that one tempting evening after a
human rights activist, Dr. Martin Luther King, describedbrief disagreement with your girlfriend, you
it as 'an image of God … the living essence ofcoincidentally get visited by the lady next door with
all divine nature which beams full of goodness'.some very 'hot proposals' up her sleeve and despite
Emerson Waldo, the American essayist, called it 'thethe fact that your guard is down and you are
highest word and the synonym of God'. So at leastpsychologically weakened by the earlier incident with
there is a good side to love after all!the lady you love, you summoned enough strength
Love is a special and unique experience that everywithin you to say NO? such is the nature of true
human has to have at one time of his life, whether itlove.
is apparent to him or not (even Hitler had a love life!).Your love is proven when Paula and Greta, your
We are all afraid of the empty feeling ofsupposed best friends, gang up to topple your love
separateness and aloneness because we are socialempire with malicious accusations against your
beings incapable of solitude. In seeking companionship,boyfriend and you tell them right to their faces that
we indulge ourselves in relationships that we feel'he was at home all day' or 'Tom wouldn't do such a
could, or might satisfy our instinctive desire for lovething' - because you know him well enough to know
and affection. In this quest, we become entangled inhe is not that type.
varied forms of relations - Some exciting and othersWoe to those who don't know each other well, they
an outright defamation of an otherwise beautifulare not truly in love. Love is about trusting each
experience. This quickly brings to light two broadother with your most intimate secrets.
categories of love, mature and immature love as isSuffice it to say, true love is also about giving. It is in
elucidated in the next few paragraphs.our giving that we experience comfort and peace in
Immature lovea relationship that is supposed to be very symbiotic.
SadismOur giving, though, has grown into a kind of
Also called the love of possession, it embodies acompetition. If last Christmas you received a
relationship in which one partner derives pleasure andwristwatch from her this Christmas you make sure
satisfaction by inflicting pain on the other. The sadistyou outdo her with an even grander gift. This
dominates every aspect of the other's life, shreddingshow-off game continues to a stage where you are
every bit of the beloved's identity. The belovedboth smothered in a financial crisis that spells doom
becomes a subdued shell of a human beingfor your relationship. If only the exchange of gifts
conditioned to hold dear a doctrine of never risingcould been seen for its symbolic value instead of the
above or near the sadist in ideas or actions butbig price tags and prestige that it comes with, how
rather to take pleasure and pride in accommodatingbeautiful this love would be!
all manner of physical and psychological torture andFruits Of True Love
humiliation. In the final analysis, the persecutedTrue love is a productive engagement that bears
partner's identity as a person is killed and the sadist isfruits that depict its maturity. The fruits of love are,
still alone and separate. Sadism is not aboutamong others, care, respect, responsibility and
co-existence of two people who love each other, itknowledge.
is a total domination of one by the other in aCare is about showing concern for your be-loved,
relationship where the submissive partner ceases torespect entails seeing the uniqueness and individuality
exist.in your lover in a light like no other person alive can.
MasochismYou love her because she is unique, you adore him
This is the opposite of sadism. Known also as thebecause he is 'one in a million'. Respect those traits in
love of submission, the masochist thinks he hasthe be-loved that make him or her unique because
found atonement by submitting to the tortures ofthey are what attracts you. Change them and you
the lover. The masochist becomes submerged in awill find yourself without a reason for loving!
mission to please the beloved. In futility, theResponsibility ni love is shown in the ability and
submissive lover exaggerates the qualities of thewillingness of the lovers to respond to each other's
beloved to the extent of even idealising them. Beforeneeds be they financial, educational or social.
the masochist's eyes, the beloved is like a demi-god,Finally, true love is full of knowledge. It is this last
to be worshiped, obeyed and wholly trusted. Thefruit that enlightens the lovers and causes them to
love of submission subsists because of a warpedrise above the common love stereotypes like, 'love is
logic in the mind of the masochist that he evadesblind', 'love without sex is dead', or the more popular
separateness and aloneness by being 'one' with the'there's no romance without finance' idolised by the
beloved.popular '80s song going by the same title. These, and
True indeed, the beloved is ever present and themany others, are misinformed notions devoid of
masochist is thus never alone but in reality, theknowledge. Through this fruit, our eyes are open to
masochist lacks initiative to contribute positively tothe marvel and beauty that no one else can behold in
the relationship. What is seen as love is, in actual fact,those we love.
slavery!At the end of the day we can, I hope, face the
Homosexualityadvertisements, captions and the billboard messages
This is a form of love which for a long time haswith a renewed confidence since we are better
never been spoken so openly like it has in the lastplaced to understand that this little thing called love is
few years when the advocates of this strange lovepatient and kind, isn't jealous, conceited or proud, isn't
have had the audacity to declare it openly and evenill-mannered, selfish or irritable and doesn't keep a
seek its legality in society. We need not look far torecord of wrongs, is not happy with evil but with the
see how unfulfilling and immature this love is , "do nottruth, it doesn't give up and its faith, hope and
lie with a man as one lies with a woman, it ispatience never fail.
detestable (Leviticus 18:22)". Clearly God denounces